Our goals are subjectively influenced by our environment. What we process from the media and others shapes us into manifesting a perception that we must have the next iPhone, look a certain way, or drive a certain car if we are to be successful and accepted. If we live witnessing others who possess what we do not, it impacts our state of mind for not having what we implicitly feel we need.
In our early years, did we morph into adorning identities from others to fit into a particular peer group? If so, have we not in some way stuffed down who we are in exchange for adding layers of psychosocial traits to meet the expectations of others? So, as we progressed we added a bit of others to who we are leaving much of who we are in our past.
So, subconsciously we operate as if we have it all together, when in fact we constrain the inner tension about this ambiguity that reveals we really don’t know ourselves or what happiness really is. Nevertheless, we strive to find what may be an arbitrary vision of what delivers joy only to feel unfulfilled.
Pursuing goals that we envision as worthy endeavors, yet represent an uphill battle, may elicit feelings of depletion. This could lead to a sense of isolation that leads to depression. We may question the purpose of this pathway and what it ultimately delivers in terms of emotional rewards.
The consternation we feel necessitates pealing back the layers of who we are. We need time to discern what drives us, why certain value sets have always been components of our worldview, and how expressing our uniqueness in what we do may coalesce into what resembles an avocation worth pursuing in life. This prompts the distinctive questions that requires subjectivity and objectivity.
Admitting we are struggling to find that pathway is the first important step in resolving this impasse. Committing to developmental self-inquiry into who you really are, what is truly causing our discontent, and how this reframes a new way of looking at our life is the second step to finding joy.
Being willing to work through self-reflection brings clarity. Recognizing that intentional change is necessary demands honesty and a willingness to objectively understand that pathway thinking compels us to own a new way of living. Do we have the courage to ask for guidance, to dive deep into revealing your blind spots, and to find meaning in a transformative process? Then this could be the most important new year’s resolution we could make that will forever change our life. In that choice, we will know where we are going in life.
Blair Hollis M.A. GCDF BCCC
Crossroads Consulting, Inc.